Hi friends...
Wow I haven't posted since April 4th...
Things have been so difficult since my brother was killed on March 26th.
If you read my moms blog too... you can read exactly what we've dealt with- I can't even begin to write about it all, its INSANE!
I'm lost...
I feel like a part of me has been ripped away.
In 5 years, I have lost 3 people that I could go to with ANYTHING and they would just listen, not judge but hear ME out.
Those 3 have been my Nanny, my dad and now my brother.
My brother Mikie and I were always close ever since we were kids.
We played together, and didn't fight.
We didn't fight growing up or as adults.
For the past almost 5 years, my brother lived out in Arizona.
It broke our hearts when he moved away and was even more sad each time he got back on the plane to go to his "home". Every Christmas he'd be home- and maybe one other time throughout the year.
It was never enough time with him:(
My boys loved to be with him, to laugh and be silly.
He made me laugh and smile too.
Life feels wrong...
There's a void now with him gone...
I feel less happiness, and sunshine in life.
I'm depressed, angry, hurt, PISSED off at the person that hit and killed him... disgusted with his "ex" girlfriend who thinks only SHE should grieve and clings to everything he owns out in AZ- her greed is making this process so hard on everyone.
Then in time, we will have to deal with potential legal issues... which will make the grief longer and more painful.
Its one thing to watch a loved one be ill, to know they are terminal and to prepare yourself to say goodbye sometime, soon.
You begin to accept that they will move onto a "new" life in Heaven.
When someone is ripped away from you tragically, like in the case as Mikie- there's no preparation, there's no way to know how to feel and cope.
Things that used to make me happy, really don't anymore...
I know thats not healthy and I am seeking help for that.
I do love all of my blog friends who have been there for me, I do get on facebook more often than my blog.
I often don't even feel like walking downstairs to get on the computer- its easier to lie in bed and facebook from my phone.
I hope to be back someday soon on here... to share some birthday pics of my youngest boys party, to share something happy.
Hugs to you all ♥
Noelle
10 comments:
xoxooxo You are a strong surviving girl and will get through the fog,Your pain I pray will ease...You sure have had a hard time.
I'm sooooooooooo very sorry Noelle and know how much you are hurting. You WILL get through it. Grieve....but whilie you are grieving look at your beautiful boys and husband and mom and know how much you have. Savour the moments , life can slip by so quickly...the years fly. Hug your family lots and lots. Say I love you every day.
Big Hugs, Sue
I don't know if you've been in touch but you have a blog sister waiting for you ...her name is Dolly and she is a sweet lady. She can be a big sister to you.
This is never an easy thing! I am sorry it is not getting better for you all.
Happy Easter
Hugs, Lisa
Its never easy, I am sorry your feeling so much pain. xoxox
There's no time limit on grief. I think Americans are expected to grieve a little while but then move on. That's stupid. You do what feels right for you. ♥
I think when one of our loved ones is taken away from us, it makes us realize just how precious life is and what is important in our lives. Not having had the chance to say goodbye to Mikie, you will feel like you have been cheated of it and that alone will make you feel angry with the world. You are still in my heart and prayers, dear Noelle. xoxo
Dear Noelle,
My heart just breaks for you, your mom and your family. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear brother. Life can be so unfair, but your courage, inspite of this tragedy shines through. Your brother is looking down and proud of the best sister friend he will always have. You will always have love.
Take your time through the process. Let each day just be what it is, the rest will take care of itself with God's comfort.
My prayers are with you.
Love to you dear Noelle,
Celestina Marie
You know Mikie was just a glowing person in our life. I often wonder had he been such a wonderful gift his short 27 years because he would be called to a better home sooner and leave us behind. I think back of how he just emitted joy to so many people and with that to deal with what the "ex' as we now call her is doing is mind-boggling. Why would anyone want to be so greedy and mean? We know it isn't just us his family who adored him but people 1800 miles away did too. We have to sincerely hope he is happy and in peace, not feeling the pain we feel or the meanness the came forth after his accident. Sending love, Mom
Any of Noelle's friends please hop over to my blog for a very special request.
I am so sorry Noelle! {{hugs}}
I am so sorry, Noelle. I can't even begin to know what you're going through, but I will be praying for peace and healing for you and your family.
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