...Lost...

Hi friends... 

Wow I haven't posted since April 4th...

Things have been so difficult since my brother was killed on March 26th.

If you read my moms blog too... you can read exactly what we've dealt with- I can't even begin to write about it all, its INSANE!

I'm lost...

I feel like a part of me has been ripped away. 

In 5 years, I have lost 3 people that I could go to with ANYTHING and they would just listen, not judge but hear ME out.

Those 3 have been my Nanny, my dad and now my brother.

My brother Mikie and I were always close ever since we were kids. 

We played together, and didn't fight.

We didn't fight growing up or as adults.

For the past almost 5 years, my brother lived out in Arizona.

It broke our hearts when he moved away and was even more sad each time he got back on the plane to go to his "home". Every Christmas he'd be home- and maybe one other time throughout the year.

It was never enough time with him:(

My boys loved to be with him, to laugh and be silly.

He made me laugh and smile too.

Life feels wrong... 

There's a void now with him gone...

I feel less happiness, and sunshine in life.

I'm depressed, angry, hurt, PISSED off at the person that hit and killed him... disgusted with his "ex" girlfriend who thinks only SHE should grieve and clings to everything he owns out in AZ- her greed is making this process so hard on everyone.

Then in time, we will have to deal with potential legal issues... which will make the grief longer and more painful.

Its one thing to watch a loved one be ill, to know they are terminal and to prepare yourself to say goodbye sometime, soon.

You begin to accept that they will move onto a "new" life in Heaven.

When someone is ripped away from you tragically, like in the case as Mikie- there's no preparation, there's no way to know how to feel and cope.

Things that used to make me happy, really don't anymore... 

I know thats not healthy and I am seeking help for that.

I do love all of my blog friends who have been there for me, I do get on facebook more often than my blog.

I often don't even feel like walking downstairs to get on the computer- its easier to lie in bed and facebook from my phone.

I hope to be back someday soon on here... to share some birthday pics of my youngest boys party, to share something happy.

Hugs to you all ♥

Noelle

♥ For Mikie ♥

I cannot believe that you died
I never got to say goodbye
So many emotions I can’t hide
Ours not to question why

Oh Brother I miss you so
I feel like part of me is gone
A friend and your sister too
Somehow I must go on

I could always talk to you
And you were always there
Now I don’t know what to do
Full of loneliness and despair

My Brother you are gone now
But when I’m sad and all alone
I will still talk to you anyhow

In my heart instead of the phone

 

Tragedy

Dear friends,

I write to you tonite with a shattered heart...

My brother Michael was killed Saturday evening in California as a result of a collision caused by a large atv called a sandrail; he died on impact.

I can't even begin to explain how I feel; my brother was AMAZING, a gift from God to us all.

We've lost family members to terminal illness where we saw them suffer and knew we had to let them go on so the pain and suffering would end. But we've never lost someone in the way my brother was ripped from our lives.

Please just pray for him, pray that his sweet soul is at peace and he's found God and all our other family members in Heaven; pray that he will be at my side and everyone else who loved him.

Please pray that my mom can find strength to go on and live life and please pray that I can continue as well.

Here is my baby  brother on my wedding day; he walked me down the aisle and gave me away- as my dad couldn't be there to do it ♥

RIP brother ♥

In need of a Stay-cation!

Its been a little while since I've done a swap and I thought this one sounded fun!

We all love a chance to"get away" right?

Well with this swap, your partner and you will create a "stay-cation" swap box!

Here's the details:

1. ONLY SIGN UP IF YOU PLAN TO SWAP - please don't disappoint someone

2. Spend at least $30 before shipping on your swap box

3. Enjoy the swap

Here are some staycation ideas:

spa day

romantic evening out

visting a local attraction

day trip to the beach/lake

day trip to the mountains

Which staycation is your favorite?

Head on over to Atl Yankee Belle's blog to sign up if you are interested:)

I can't wait to get my partner and start creating a FUN stay-cation themed swap box!

Noelle ♥

Mostly Wordless Wednesday- Just Smile :)

A picture is worth a million words...

A child's smile is priceless...

A happy husband means...

..his wife must not want to strangle him... LOL!

Or it means, he really loves her and she loves him ♥

Smiles are free... share one today:)

Hugs,

Noelle ♥

My Happy List :)

  Gloomy days call for a reminder on what makes US happy!I'm joining up with Dandelion Wishes to share my HAPPY LIST this week:)
Everyone loves a surprise right?I know I do and its even better when it come to my WORK from my HUBBY...a couple weeks ago hubby sent me a DOZEN HUGE red roses to work!Brownie points for him cause its been a decade since he's sent flowers to me at work:)A lovely surprise and I admit it was a TAD bit fun seeing all the other teachers "jealous"!
I'm HAPPY cause for the 1st time in 4 days I'm starting to feel better...on Wednesday I had the most intense cramps/back pain that hit me:( Its not even close to that time of the month either. Since that day I have had pains in the area all under my belly button, tenderness, cramping and horrible back pain! I called my dr and they scheduled me MONDAY for an ultrasound... MONDAY! Ughhhh so sucky to have to wait that many days!I have problems with endometreosis and PCOS so I'm wondering if the pain isn't due to that.And NO I'm not pregnant either:(
I'm HAPPY cause I got out last night, usually I stay home every Friday night with the boys when hubby works but last night we took a little trip to Cracker Barrel with the boys and my bro... had a YUMMY dinner/well "brinner".. I had breakfast for dinner... 2 eggs, a HUUUUGE banana nut muffin and a yogurt parfait with granola, cranberries and crushed pineapple! Its LENT for me so NO meat on Fridays... plus I have given up cheeseburgers and fries for Lent... yea my weekness- GREASY food!
I'm HAPPY cause I've lost 4 of the 8 WINTER POUNDS I've gained back this year due to Christmas COOKIES and other holiday treats!
I'm HAPPY cause at my job we scored EXCELLENT on our Federal Review!!So good that our bosses bought us a HUUUGE cake to celebrate!No we have to wait till March 18 for the President to decide if he will continue to fund Early Head Start... prayers that he does... these young moms DESPERATELY need this program!
I'm HAPPY cause my daffodils and tiger lily's are sprouting up through the muddy cold ground... SPRING is on its way:)
I'm HAPPY cause I STOLE a few minutes away to BLOG... which I miss terribly but my children can't seem to leave me alone for even 20 minutes a day so I can post! I suppose that's flattery since they love their momma SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much?!
Thanks for visiting me today!
Noelle ♥

There's a SWEET birthday coming soon!

Hi girls!

This cute lil fella above is my Gage... and in less than 6 weeks he will be 4 YEARS OLD!!

Oh my its so hard to believe he will be 4!

He's my baby boy and my last baby:(

I am planning a CANDYLAND birthday party for him and OH MY... do I have the ideas!!

He LOVES to play Candyland!

These are the custom invites I ordered for his party...

The color is a lighter blue and they come on a lollipop stick... too cute!!

Here's some party supplies...

I just ordered cake plates and cups; I'm gonna use several colors for the napkins and tablecloths!

I plan on having a "candy bar" set up with chocolates, licorice...you name it!

I ordered clear chinese take out boxes for the kids to fill with candy before they leave.

We are going to decorate gingerbread cookies for them to take home:)

I am beside myself with thinking of how to decorate as well!!
Lets just say there will be lots of SWEET decor!

Thats all I'm gonna say now, the rest will be a surprise!!

Hope you have a great weekend!

Noelle ♥