Sometimes I wonder how life can go from being this happy, like in the photo above when I was about 7 months pregnant with Gage... to how crappy life feel today:(
Today I sit here evaluating where my life and "our life" as a couple, and as a family HAS become today...
FULL of stress, bitterness, not-nice words, frustrations...
it makes me SAD!
I know I am not perfect but I do the best I can to raise my children well and to make them happy. I slack on housework sometimes to spend extra time outside, or at the pool, or playing with them. I slack on housework too sometimes to give myself some "peace" by blogging, or scrap booking, or chatting with a friend.
I admit that I slack on paying a bill right away sometime/s to buy myself or the boys something new and nice; or going out to eat to just "get away".
Does this make me GUILTY and to be the one to blame all the time?
Brian has barely talked to me in 3 days because I didn't have money to put gas in the truck and he had to do it for the 2nd week in a row. Well, I DON'T have a job, nor do I have much $ in savings anymore... what am I to do?
Its constant fighting about $$$$$$ that drives me crazy!
Our wedding in less than 5 months away and sometimes he acts like he wants to throw it all away because he gets in a "tizzy" over the fact that he pays for everything!
Should I quit school and go to work full time?
I refuse to put my kids in expensive daycare to have them raised by someone else; which is an AGREEMENT that we both have had for years and now he is going back on his word!
I just can't ever "win" this battle and I am getting so burnt out!
Sorry to get so personal here, and I hope I haven't offended anyone.
I just needed to vent and I often do it best in writing.
Don't feel that you NEED to comment; its more just me getting things off my chest!
Noelle ♥
10 comments:
Vent away!
I too Talk things out.
I know I know deep down the issues and the way to Solve them to some degree But I just need to get it out!
As women I think often our lives are ones wrought with many associated guilts.
But Money and compromising our Needs and our kids should'nt creep in and take over.
Chin up...
Having to kids and a home is a job!
Noelle...I completely understand where you are coming from....When I started staying home 14 years ago, my husband would have this same frustration...I finally showed him what I would be earning as a mom if he actually had to pay me for my services...$215,000 per year....yep, that's what the gov't says we are worth, my friend...
He would get frustrated at me over the same things you describe in your post..the slacking on the housework, purchasing things, etc. I stood my ground and we were finally able to make peace about alot of things. Money issues cause enormous amounts of stress. Hang in there, friend:) Vent away! That's what we're here for!
~~ BIG BIG HUG HUG ~~
♥ ♥ ♥
Hi Noelle,
I am concerned for you guys!!!
Deb
Noelle, my heart goes out to you. I think you Are doing the right thing by staying at home and being a mom to your kids. In the end that is the most important thing you can do for them. I am sorry for all the pressure you are under. I am keeping you in my prayers. Twyla
Oh honey, I am so sorry. This sounds a lot like my first marriage :(. I wish there was something I could do/say to help you both. I know it is so hard and with this economy, it is even harder. You sound like a WONDERFUL mom Noelle and those memories are what your boys will remember!! I am a stay at home mom too and that itself is so much work. Brian needs to realize that when you get married, it is not his money, it is "our" money. Meaning all of your money as a family. My ex could never get that through his head. I wish the best for you. I know things will get easier for you, I can feel it:)
Sending lots of love and hugs,
Amy
Oh Honey! I hope you're feeling better now. Marriage is a big step do you think he's just feeling under pressure from that and taking it out in anothe way? Maybe you should try couples therapy because money will probably always continue to be an issue if you can't come to a new reagreement. Plus where the heck is he expecting you to find money when you aren't working outside the home? Hello, you ARE employeed and he's not paying for everything because his money is reall our money.
Maybe an outside source would help him remember the agreement you made years ago.
Well girl, you have now realized that love and marriage is not at all like a fairytale! lol I heard once that money is the number one cause of couples not getting along, breaking up, ect. You may not work outside the home but taking care of the boys, the house, the meals, etc., you are putting more into a day than most people who do go out to work. It all comes down to this...if you truly love each other, you'll both work this out. I really feel that you and Brian need to hash all of this out before the wedding!!! xoxo
Hi Noelle - I just saw this post. You shouldn't apologize for talking about how you feel. Being a mother is hard enough without all that added stress. Spending time with your kids is really the best thing anyone can do and you are doing it! I support you!
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